Friday, July 9, 2010

One Size Fits All

As I've struggled on this journey to try and figure out where I am in this world, what my calling is and how to fulfill that calling through a balance of solitude and community, I've realized something. Our world seems to have a one size fits all mentality - especially about relationships. Women in particular it seems.

We all want to be like the mom who has the perfect house, the perfect kids, the perfect physical appearance...but what is she like down inside? Is she perfected by the perfectness? Perhaps she is. Some are I am sure but I would guess that the majority would have some sort of "what else" question in their hearts. As moms how many of us feel the need to do it perfect...To do what's popular even if it goes against our discernment...To do what everyone else is doing. Yet we try to teach our children the dangers of following the "in crowd".

I think that's where my struggle comes in. I am not a go with the crowd person. I can be opinionated even though I've learned to temper it. As a mom, I did things like extended nursing and cloth diapers in a crowd where it wasn't so mainstream. I was never really labeled a hippy but I often felt like my "mothering" didn't quite fit. And perhaps I put some of that not fitting in on myself but I know none of my friends were quite as excited about my newest cloth diaper or the fact that I finally night weaned at 16 months.

As a homemaker, my house is seldom spotless. It's picked up (usually) and certainly not filthy but there are crumbs on my floor and usually a few dishes in the sink until I load the dishwasher at night. Toys laying out usually doesn't stress me out until someone comes over. And on laundry day(s) there is usually laundry on the floor of my kitchen as I don't have a separate laundry room. I've even been known to put all my clothes on my dining room table as I wait for that perfect time to fold them. (By the way that perfect time NEVER comes. I need to just do it and get it out of the way.) I love going into some one's perfectly put together house. I feel at peace. But honestly I am at peace in my home - unless someone unexpectedly shows up. Then I'm not quite so okay being myself around others. I think that stems from trying to be the mom or homemaker the world thinks I should be (other moms and women especially). I put most of those expectations on myself, but where did I learn to do that?

As a friend I do think I am more go with the flow. This is where I am more purposeful to try to fit into the one size all option. Like a square peg in a round hole I try to perfect my personality to fit in with others. If they like going to play dates at a certain place I do it as well even though I HATE it rather than suggest we occasionally do something different. If they call me for lunch I will change my schedule to accommodate rather than suggest an alternative date unless it's something I cannot change. Lately I've realized I just don't like that one size all. I would rather go to the gym everyday and not miss a class to go somewhere for an hour in the hopes that I might really click with this person and have a sustainable friendship. I would want to go to lunch but would rather not give up a class that I love. I'd rather say - hey can we try Chick Fil A this week (since we went to McDonald's the last three?). I'd rather have friends who don't judge me by my messy home or scattered desk. I am actually quite put together and accomplished most days with my multi-tasking abilities. You just can't tell by the look of my desk or home even though that's something I desperately want to work on.

Why do I find the need to fit into a one size fits all society whether it be via parenting or friendships or Christian service or even my relationship with God? I am an individuals. Thus perhaps we should bridge that individuality through community but not lose that individuality. But in a desire to fit in we often do lose ourselves. And most of the time we aren't told to do something or not do something. We often put that on ourselves. Why why why? How can we stop this? How can we bridge this gap or actually forge a new road? To be honest I have no clue. Did you expect some glorious epiphany? I'm not the one with all the answers. I am looking for answers and I'd love some feedback.

I do think when you forge a new road it can be a lonely journey at times. Sometimes those closest to us don't understand. But lately I've already heard from women who feel similarly as me, so I don't feel quite so at odds with myself in this world. Their circumstances might be different but our feelings are similar.

Where do we go from here?

21 comments:

姿柯瑩柯dgdd憶曾g智曾 July 11, 2010 at 3:33 PM  

海鷗要高飛,必先遠退。花蜜要香醇,必先久釀。............................................................

ju吳phe宇te佳ns July 13, 2010 at 8:23 PM  

新的一天 祝你有所成長~~ ..................................................................

JasonBirk佳琪 July 13, 2010 at 8:28 PM  

什麼樣的學習計畫並不重要,重要的是你是什麼樣的人。............................................................

紹函紹函 July 16, 2010 at 4:05 AM  

好文,領受了!謝謝!............................................................

王春蕙王春蕙 July 16, 2010 at 4:05 AM  

好地方!下次再來看~~加油!期待............................................................

陳佑發 July 18, 2010 at 7:55 PM  

Poverty is stranger to industry.............................................................

Jewel July 19, 2010 at 8:30 AM  

Hiya, following from MBC. I enjoyed my visit.

Following.

Visit when you get a chance.
http://jewelzfrontporch.blogspot.com/

Jewel

佳皓佳皓 July 21, 2010 at 2:53 AM  

回應是我能為您做的最大的支持............................................................

曾法幸 July 23, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

安安唷~~幸運的日子送給妳(你)滿滿的幸福,也祝福你天天都開心唷...........................................................

謝俊柯凡豐德 July 26, 2010 at 7:18 PM  

一個人想法的大小,決定他成就的大小。..................................................

黃子軒 July 29, 2010 at 8:03 PM  

看著你的BLOG 好多朋友都回應 真厲害..................................................................

淑林林松 August 1, 2010 at 11:26 PM  

你不能左右天氣,但你可以改變心情.................................................................

孟湖聿軒 August 4, 2010 at 9:42 PM  

Pen and ink is wits plough. ............................................................

承王蓁 August 7, 2010 at 2:51 PM  

傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................

承王蓁 August 10, 2010 at 2:22 AM  

期待你的下次更新喔^____^..................................................

信陳定 August 12, 2010 at 6:47 PM  

祝福你人氣不減ˊˇˋ............................................................

惠桂刁惠桂刁惠桂刁 August 12, 2010 at 6:48 PM  

很棒的分享~祝福你............................................................

翊翊翊翊張瑜翊翊翊 August 14, 2010 at 7:48 PM  

一個人的際遇在第一次總是最深刻的,有時候甚至會讓人的心變成永遠的絕緣。......................................................................

Jet August 15, 2010 at 10:24 PM  

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佳張張張張燕張張張張張 August 16, 2010 at 11:22 PM  

缺少智慧,就是缺少一切..................................................

洪勳劉耀德劉耀德華 August 19, 2010 at 4:53 AM  

生命的意義,是在於活的充實;而不是在於活得長久。............................. ...................................

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