Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A New Normal - Prelude

First of all let's say my plans to keep blogging during recovery were crazy. I am just three weeks post op and am SO tired and need more rest and down time than I realize. I've been quite emotional and feel vulnerable because I can't even clean my house or make my bed. It's humbling but I think God is continuing his work in me. I feel God's presence but I am tired and doing less bible study. I long to dive back in but cannot concentrate. I was sad and emotional last night and talking to God and he gave me a lot of peace. He has a plan it just wasn't as immediate as my Type A personality wanted it to be.

I am going to strive to keep solitude a part of my daily life and God gave me a new direction for the next 90 days that I am going to start this weekend. I've realized that I've changed SO much the past year and have taken down so many walls and removed so many masks I am not sure who I really am at heart still. I am different physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My temperment is different. I am feeling all these emotions that I haven't felt in years. It scares me but it excites me more. I feel such hope but it is surreal. I have often in the past wanted to be normal. Well normal is a myth really if being normal is being like someone else, etc. But I want to embrace this change and let it take me further. My old normal was frustrated and angry and hurt and bitter and generally miserable. I want to see where this new normal is taking me. I want to continue to embrace it and let it evolve within me and not grow stagnant. I just know I need to continue to find Leah.

6 comments:

sheri January 20, 2010 at 9:21 PM  

I can definitely relate. The last couple of months especially, I've been very aware of how different I used to be. I'm beginning to like who I am even if I'm not someone else's idea of "perfect" or "normal." I'm not even sure I want to be "normal." The main thing I've learned that it's not just about the end result. I am so grateful for the journey that got me here. Sometimes very hard & painful but I wouldn't trade any of it. Give yourself permission to rest or to be "less" than your design of perfect. His is so much better than ours!

RickyLeary1008 January 26, 2010 at 9:49 PM  

你的部落格很棒,我期待更新喔........................................

JermaineOscar January 26, 2010 at 9:49 PM  

辛苦了!祝你愈來愈好!........................................

Trish January 28, 2010 at 7:29 PM  

Hi Leah,
Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I hope your recovery is still going well.
Blessings,
Trish

Simply Stacie January 31, 2010 at 7:22 PM  

I am from FFF from the MBC and am now a follower!

http://stacievaughansblog.blogspot.com

The Kimbles February 1, 2010 at 7:18 PM  

Following from MBC FFF. :) -Victoria

http://www.thepumpkinpiepatch.blogspot.com

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