Today...

So I ended up having an infection (enterococcus) and ended up having surgery and IV antibiotics. The surgery was March 2. I was on vancomycin and zolstyn for 8 days. After surgery I was put on a wound vac. I went home with a PICC line, 2 more weeks of IV antibiotics (just the vancomycin) and the wound vac and homehealth care to facilitate it all. My husband and sister had to learn how to administer my IV antibiotics. It's now almost 7 weeks later and I still have the wound vac. I am doing well and I am praying to be off the wound vac in 2-3 weeks. The infection is gone and I am more mobile. I can drive and get of the house and am more active mentally and physically.

January 1st, I thought I knew what my 90 days of solitude had meant to teach me. I still think what I was thinking was correct but fairly narrow. I think God was shifting my focus. I was SO busy. If I had been that busy I am not sure how together my life would have stayed the last weeks. If I hadn't focused on God and developing my relationship with Him, I may have had a nervous breakdown. I am not sure. I am still pondering and thinking it all through.

It's been a long ordeal since my 1st original surgery on December 30th. I've had to depend on friends and family for food, housecleaning, helping my kids get back and forth, getting groceries etc. I was tired and healing for the most part but if I were truly honest I was hurting. I was angry. I was resentful. I wanted my life back. I wanted my routine. I didn't want other people taking care of my kids, my house, my responsibility. I felt like I had somehow abandoned all I wanted.

Then came a turning point. I didn't have to depend on others - I was able to. I spent years helping others. Now I was able to let others help me. That's truly how our christian community should be. A symbiotic relationship of give and take. Not a hierarchy of those who give and those who receive. It became humbling and spiritual rather than frustrating and humiliating. Rather than being frustrated cause I couldn't find a lid to a Tupperware container I felt thankful that someone washed my dishes.

I have so many thoughts churning through my mind and a part of me wants to blog it all tonight. But instead I will start with this - thank you. Thank you all for praying for me and my family. Thank you to those who helped with food and errands, for picking up the girls and taking them where they needed to go and for cleaning my house. Thank you to those who stopped to visit and bring me lunch and fellowship. Thank you for the sweet comments on this blog and by email or facebook.

Thank you. That's where I will start today! Tomorrow I will start with some of the thoughts I've had churning through my thoughts and heart.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who instead of giving advice, solutions or cures have chosen rather to share our pain & touch our wounds with a warm tender hand. -Henri Nouwen