Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 40

I am a fairly passionate person. Those those know me might say I am an advocate for those in need or for children or for young moms. Outside of being passionate for my family, I am passionate about car seat safety, Noonan Syndrome Awareness, Pervasive Development, MOPS, etc. The list could go on and on. I tend to go overboard and indulge my love for research when I become passionate about something. I could literally spend hours reading articles that help me define what I may or may not believe about something I am so passionate about. I can easily spend hours passionately researching whatever has piqued my interest.

I want that passion to transcend into and couple with my relationship with God. I want to develop a passionate to study God, explore His word and have Him be ultimate in my life. Then it comes time to passionately explore and develop my relationship with God.

I wonder everyday why certain things pique my interest yet some days I have to force myself to relax and rest in the presence of God. Today was one of those days. Just a few moments ago, I was sitting here wondering what I had learned today when a song by Delirious called My Soul Sings shuffled onto my iTunes playlist. It's a beautiful praise and worship song that I've always loved. As I sat here and listened and sang outloud with Delirious I felt the rush of the Holy Spirit flood my body. It hastened me to remember a beautiful experience I had yesterday at church.

I remember hearing the familiar melody start yesterday as our praise band began playing the same song. I remember closing my eyes and giving myself over to the Holy Spirit as I wantonly praised God. I literally felt the rush of the Holy Spirit flood over me as I started singing. I felt tears stream down my cheeks as I lifted my hands high. There is nothing else to say except that I felt God passionately and completely in that moment. I long to feel that everyday all day.

Some might think it's naive to believe it's possible to feel this way at all times. But I want that naivety as I journey with God. I have spent enough years without feeling His presence and living in the world's version of reality as opposed to living in the presence of God. I want to feel God's presence as I clean my house, run errands and work out. I want to passionately be led my God in all aspects of my life. I want to feel God COMPLETELY everyday. I don't think that's naive at all. I think God wants me to want that. Why else would He start me on this journey of solitude so I could find Him?

Why have I resisted giving myself passionately and completely over to God in the past? To be honest I am not sure. It was part fear, part shame, part pride. But as I sit here right now, I wonder how I could have resisted someone who loves me so completely. When I give into that love rather than trying to intellectually understand it, I am drawn inexplicably to God's embrace. It's not a theological pursuit or an academic exercise. It becomes a relationship.

God loves me so passionately that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for me. How can I push away that gift? How can I resist that love?

God created me with an intense capacity to feel. As I let God have His way with me those emotions will erupt. As they spill over, passion is born. God created me for this life and for His purpose. How can I resist someone who loves me so passionately?

I am finally realizing I can be myself with God. He knows all the dirty details of my life and loves me in spite of my past sin and my own feelings of inadequacy. His grace covers me. I finally realize that I can be myself with God - completely authentic and transparent. If I share everything in my life with God, we will truly become inseparable. As we become inseparable, passion will continue to erupt and overflow in my life and never lose its volcanic burn. How can I resist a God that loves me so passionately and unconditionally?

Today's Reflection: How foolish I've been to resist you. In a mere 40 days I feel closer to you than I have in the 14 years since I asked Jesus into my heart. I am alive in You. I am revived in You. I want the world to know I burn for You.

2 comments:

sheri November 9, 2009 at 10:26 PM  

"Standing here in this moment of eternity. Worlds collide & I feel the breath of heaven over me..." I know what you mean. If a song can literally touch the soul this one does. I think that God's desire is that we seek Him out of the desire of our hearts rather than just obedience. Nothing naive about it!
Jer. 32:39-41: "I will give them one heart & one purpose: to worship Me forever, for their own good & for the good of all their descendants. And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship Me, & they will never leave Me. I will find joy doing good for them & will faithfully & wholeheartedly replant them in this land."

Amber November 10, 2009 at 9:00 PM  

This is beautiful.

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