Day 54

I am feeling quite convicted about how I live my daily life - or rather how I don't live it. From the world's stand point I would probably be considered a good person. I care about my family, I work hard to be a good wife and mom, I help people, etc.

But would I live differently if I knew when I was going to die? Would I say yes to all that I say yes to, even the good things in life? I What would really matter? I keep thinking of the scripture in 1 Corinthians 6:12 that says, "Everything is permissible for me but not everything is beneficial." (NIV)

I am fully aware that God has called me to solitude and in that solitude I fellowship with God through prayer, worship and study. But at times I still let myself get trapped by things that are permissible but not beneficial. Today was one of those days. I trapped myself into something I should have said no to. It was something benign but I had a busy day thus it was one of the few windows I had to spend time with God. But I didn't. I am realizing that once you start spending regular time with God - your soul begins to crave it. I didn't feed my soul much today.

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. (Psalms 39:4 NIV).

Matthew Henry's commentary regarding this verse says: Therefore let us pray that God would enlighten our minds by His Holy Spirit, and fill our hearts with His grace, that we may be ready for death every day and hour.

Am I ready to die at this moment? Will I leave unfinished business? Of course something would be unfinished. I am not even near to perfect. But if my heart and soul seek to follow Christ and I endeavor to do what He leads me to do then I believe that all things will come together for good for those I leave behind.

I've heard many Christians, including my husband and father-in-law, often say they would love to go to heaven today. To be honest I have to admit I am not ready to die today. I want to be a mother to my daughters and a wife to my husband. I want to be a minister of the gospel of peace. I am almost 42 years old and am JUST now starting to get things right. I want time. I want to serve God and have a long life. But rather than concentrating on what could happen I pray that God will sustain me with peace and guide and direct my steps so that each day fully counts. I want to live a life of no regrets. I want to live and love fully. As my pastor often says, live to love.

Today's Reflection: Lord help me live in the moment and engage the life You have called me to. Show me how to turn my intentions into actions and not be satisfied with sitting back and letting others do what I am called to do. Help me see the world through your eyes. Help me not neglect the daily opportunities that are right in front of me. Let me throw off everything that hinders me and the sin that entangles me so I may run the race laid out before me with perseverance. Lord thank You for Your conviction that sets my soul on fire and doesn't allow me to stagnate or become lukewarm. I want to live to live - to live with no regrets.