Day 70

When I think of clutter I get a little antsy as that usually means I need to go through, sort and get rid of things. For the most part I handle this well after I get started. I just dread the work and actually getting started. But once I am started it usually goes fast and isn't as hard as I thought it would. Actually I go through the girls toys and clothes and household stuff on a fairly regular basis. At least 4-6 times a year. There is such a feeling of calmness after I declutter. I seem to be able to breathe deeper and more fully. I am deeply relaxed. It's almost better than a massage.

So I started thinking about this yesterday after reading my friend Marcy's blog post. It got me to thinking because while I have way more stuff than say my sister or a friend that I have that I label a minimalist (which is a good thing), I really don't hold on to things or would consider myself a pack rate. I let go and give away things fairly easy. So how does this apply to me? I didn't know at first. All I knew was that it did resonate with me on some level - it just took some time to figure it out. I ruminated off and on about how this applied to me all day. I started looking around my home - which needs to be cleaned. But aside from that while my office is definitely cluttered it's stuff that I need to file - rather than get rid of. We went through the girls clothes and toys a couple of months ago and won't need to again until after Christmas. So my house is fairly in order. So why was this in the forefront of my mind?

I went back and ready Marcy's blog again and focused on this quote by Peter Walsh in the Summer 2006 edition of "Simply Perfect Storage" magazine. Peter said: "People hold on to things because they think they may need them one day or they are afraid if they let go of something, they will lose the memory. Clutter holds you in the past. It robs you of space to live."

Sigh! OK this definitely means something to me but was far less literal than what Peter or Marcy were talking about. What am I holding onto? Physically my photos and scrapbooks and a few cherished items like my crystal angels are important to me. But other than those few personal mementos I tend to get rid of things easy. So I started to try and deconstruct Peter's quote to make it apply to my life. Here is what I came up with.

I hold on to the past because I am scared to let it go. Letting it go means I cannot hide it. It means I cannot control where it goes and who finds out and what their response might be. Letting it go means giving it completely to God to throw away or use in whatever way he sees fit. Cluttering my mind with shame and secrets holds me in the past and robs me of life. It keeps me hidden from the journey God has planned for me. Oh lord I am tired of hiding. It's lonely there and I like being in your light and feeling your presence and knowing that your grace and mercy cover me.

I know this shame thing is a big deal and I am working on it but this really made an impact on me today. Reading that paragraph out loud several times makes me realize what I fool I've been. Ignorant yes - but ignorance does not negate foolishness. There is no benefit to being so emotionally guarded about the past. It only adds fuel to shame's fire.

Today's Reflection: Lord my past is yours. Do with it as you will. If the world must know - the world must know. Please slap my hands if I try to take it back. Remind me that I want to grow and not stagnate and I cannot grow fully to become what you want me to be if I hide in shame. Shame is not of you. *Lord you have made me to be a unique being filled with infinite worth and potential. I am loved and valued beyond my comprehension. My worth doesn't change with my moods or circumstances. I am not my accomplishments or my failures, my strengths or my weakness. These are merely expressions of my deeper self that you created me to be. Please help me not lose sight of who I am in you. You are the Lord of my life, my creator. You will use my strengths and my weaknesses for your glory! Thank you Lord.

*Noted prayer during Today's Reflection is paraphrased from a meditation by Stin Hansen.