Days 83 & 84

I really did have a beautiful Christmas Eve and Christmas. It was very laid back and unbusy for the first time in years. I was able to watch my children enjoy snow in West Texas, sleep late and enjoy Christmas Day with just Brian and the little girls. Thank you Lord for the blessing of helping me slow down. I crave it now. I realize how vital it is to my spiritual and emotional wellness. But days like today, doubt creeps in and I feel rather helpless in a couple of areas.

I do have a wonderful life and great things to be thankful for - a husband who love me, great children, a nice home, a business that supplies our needs and then some and wonderfully supportive friends. But on the fringe of all that's good I see these areas that I realize I am just helpless to change. I don't want control. I know for the most part I make things worse when I try to fix them. But more importantly, I want God to have control. I do realize that by giving God control, it means allowing myself to hurt. These issues probably won't self-correct and may get worse before they getter as I can only be responsible for my own reactions and corrections. But I want to believe that God's hand will touch these situations I am helpless in. I know in the advent season especially, I am reminded of the hope that came with Jesus' birth. Hope for salvation and eternity as well as hope through trials and tribulations.

Today's Reflection: Father thank you so much for the gift of the cross and Christ's ultimate sacrifice. Please remind me daily that I am not hopeless. My confidence is in you and that you have a plan for me. A plan to prosper me (emotionally, physically and spiritually) and not to harm me. A plan to give me a hope and a future. I believe that plan calls for reconciliation and deliverance in areas that I have no control over. I obviously do not have your insight. You know what is best God. Please shut doors that cannot be opened and open doors that cannot be shut. I do ask that you heal my broken heart. That you help me not let that hope inside me die. That it will blossom and something glorious will come to fruition.