Thursday, October 1, 2009

Day 1

Well it was sort of an anti-climatic 1st day. I half expected/hoped for an epiphany of sorts I guess. The day just didn't go as planned.

I got up and got Salem ready for school. Today is her birthday. Brian took her to breakfast and I took Raina to school. I came home and started Matt Chandler's Luke Series (Sermon 22). I love that I am going through the entire book of Luke with him. It's as if it's for the first time. This thought keeps resonating with me from today's sermon.

If there is an area that’s dark and wicked & haunts you – the cross is for YOU! It’s what the cross is about. Whatever that thing is that’s haunting you – Christ died absorbing God’s wrath towards it. Don’t run from God in shame. Run towards Him ...in repentance & accept grace.

Anyway...I got halfway through it and my sister called and needed help as her daughter's car had a blow out and thus needed to help. I did all that, then got Salem's lunch and took it to her for her birthday.

I got back home and finished my Luke study and then felt like what was next? I kinda hoped God would be more vocal in directing my steps. I like having a plan. I like knowing what's next. I am not fond of surprises.

He may have been whispering. I tend to think a 1000 thoughts at a time so perhaps I couldn't hear Him. Or perhaps He just wanted me to relax and be and go with it. Probably the latter.

I was listening to praise and worship music (the new David Crowder Band Church Music CD ROCKS by the way), praying and cleaning and decided to turn the music off and just lay on the floor and pray face down.

I did and it felt weird at first. There is something quite humbling about lying face down. Even uncomfortable. My dog Nina laid beside me and I started to pray. I prayed for myself and this journey and that God would direct my steps. I prayed for Salem and Raina and Brian and my friend Kathy for whom I am believing that she will be healed from cancer. I prayed for others - my friend Phoebe, the Tan family... It felt good to relax and calm my spirit and just pray.

It's very different from how I normally pray. I always have something to do so I tend to pray on the run - in the shower, while cleaning, driving somewhere, working out. But I think lying facedown enabled me to stop and focus and center my thoughts and pray differently. I still prayed the same prayers I would have prayed on the run but the thought process was different. I definitely felt more connected to the Holy Spirit and definitely less distracted.

Then the day went to heck with business problems. Major problems. Sigh. I know this kind of stuff will happen. I can't hibernate. I have to find a way for my solitude to coexist with my normal day to day life. God has to show me how to deal with that. But I have to admit I was quite annoyed by it all. It was day 1. I wanted something different. I definitely pictured something different. But it was as if God was quietly saying it would definitely be different than I pictured and encouraging me to be more of a "go with the flow" type. Ugh. I am SO not a go with the flow type.

Today's Reflection: All in all today wasn't what I envisioned as Day 1 of this 90 day journey. I kept rethinking what I wish had happened and what I would have changed. Then tonight the Holy Spirit put me in check when Salem told me this was the best day of her entire life. Ah my sweet girl - I wish I had that beautiful innocent gratitude. So my heart is yours God. Please forgive my impatience and my pride.

On to day 2. No expectations. God bring tomorrow what you will.

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My "other" blog is more about day to day life with my husband and kids and rants and raves about a variety of subjects. Hope on over.

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