Thursday, October 8, 2009

Day 8

I am learning that solitude is not something to be afraid of. I've always been afraid of my thoughts and how crazy my mind spins out of control and have always filled my time with stuff to prevent that. But now I am learning to embrace it. It still feels crazy...it still feels vulnerable. My emotions this week have been unbearable at times. To the point where I want to hide and not come out and stop all this "feeling stuff". Seriously - how can feeling this sad and desolate be helpful?

But somehow it is...when I figure that part out - the how it's helpful - I'll share. I just know God is calling me to this so there is a benefit to this solitude. Thus I am sure He will reveal it to me.

For me the benefits of solitude are numerous and I hope to experience each of these to more and more degrees. Right now they are still fleeting and somewhat illusive but I know they are there. I long for them to reach out and grab me and envelope me. An emotional hug of course. I can't handle physical hugs right now but I need the emotional ones.

Mindfulness - Solitude for me brings mindfulness. It helps me to be mindful of my emotions and thoughts and not push them away. To experience them - to embrace the process no matter how painful.

Relaxation - It seems impossible but it can be relaxing. The more I listen to my Bible studies and focus on prayer the more I relax. I've added listening to praise and worship throughout the day and it softens my spirit.

Concentration - When I concentrate on solitude - I don't concentrate - dwell or become anxious - on the stressors in my life.

Love of Self - Solitude helps me embrace myself - positive and negative characteristics. It helps me see what needs to be worked out and realize how positive my life is in many areas. Outside of my solitude I tend to see the negative. And while the negative still may be there, solitude brings out the good in me.

Spirituality - Solitude deepens my love for God and develops my relationship with God. You can't spend time in prayer and meditation and in the word and not grow. It's simply impossible. I wish for this area alone I had done this sooner. And I am in a difficult week and still feel the presence of God deeper than I ever have before. Amazing.

I found this quote today: What a commentary on civilization, when being alone is being suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it – like a secret vice. ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

In today's culture we see solitude as laziness. I think moms often fall into this trap. But I question that. What is lazy about developing your mind and your spirit? What is lazy about being mindful of your thoughts and emotions. I think it's the ultimate healthiness for our mind, spirit and body.

Today's Reflection: This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Lord this is your day. I am fairly sad today. I miss Nannie. I resent having to do all my regular stuff. But life is precious and I am SO thankful for every day I had with Nannie. I am thankful for Your creation and Your love and Your power. Every day is a precious gift. Remind me of that when I am complaining.

Note: If you are reading could you please follow me or comment so I will know.

2 comments:

Allison October 8, 2009 at 9:49 PM  

Leah,
I just now read for the first time tonight - I plan on follwing daily now. I don't know if I am there yet, but I think maybe the whisper that I have been ignoring is now screaming at me through you. wow- it's scary. How do you get to the point to take the first step. I don't know I feel like anything could come out of my mouth at the moment, b/c I'm feeling such emotion. Thank you for being honest and open in your journey. I'm going to ponder the things you have written so far and see where it takes me. I'm glad we have gotten closer in the last few years. I look forward to tomorrows words.
Allison

Julia Stewart October 15, 2009 at 8:21 PM  

I am reading !

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