Days 17 & 18

The weekends can be intense for me. I want to make sure and spend a ton of time with my family but I always have that endless to do list in my mind somewhere taunting me. Yet this weekend was different. It was wonderfully relaxing and spiritual and beautiful in many ways.

We had a great family day yesterday and last night as my beautiful family slept, I sat and read and prayed and realized that solitude comes in many forms and in unexpected places. Saturday I embraced solitude as I sat in the movie theater holding my babies and thanking God for allowing me to be their mom. Words weren't spoken, praise music wasn't played but the peaceful solitude in my heart was apparent. Nothing but thanksgiving. Solitude breeds thanksgiving. Thank you Lord for allowing me to find solitude in unexpected places.

Today was a busier day with church and lunch and getting the house picked up as we started getting ready to start a new week. But as I started contemplating how did I embrace solitude this weekend I literally began to wonder at the differences. During the week it's easier; my kids are at school and even though I have a business to run, errands to do, kids stuff to handle and a house to clean - with those 30 hours a week and I can fit it in. In the beginning it was more of why wasn't I fitting it in. Why was I struggling against it. But now I was questioning the difference. Was I missing something on the weekends by being unable to do as much prayer, praise and bible study time?

The weekends are different because it's about family time. There is balance. And my balance is not being so present in solitude that I miss the gift of my family in the current moment.

When I first thought of solitude I saw it as isolation. Now I think differently. I am not called to a monastery. I am called to LIFE. Solitude isn't how much time I spend with God alone - its an attitude of my heart and why I do or don't spend time with God or why I do or don't listen to Him.

At this moment in my life, I am definitely called to solitude. God is using it to quieten my mind and my soul so I may hear His voice. But ultimately my calling is that of a wife, mother and minister.

I only need to wait on the Lord, renew my strength and the time will come. A time to fly and soar. The time for what specifically? I am not sure...but something is coming. God is equipping me through my solitude.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with the wings, as eagles. They shall run and not be weary and they shall walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31"

Hebrew Word Study Of This Scripture (Thank You My Sweet Husband For This)
1. They they that wait upon" - to twist together or be braided together with the
2. LORD - Existing One before time began
3. Shall renew" - cause to break through or pass through
4. Strength - to have power, might, vigor, force, capacity for production
5. They shall mount up with – rise up, excel, restore, to be taken up, to ascend
6. Wings – to soar
7. They shall run – move swiftly, dart to and fro
8. Not be weary – no toil, not tired, no labor, avoid exhaustion, to not gasp for air
9. They shall walk – proceed, carry, bear a load, to cause to walk
10. Not be faint – not fatigued, not weary as from a long journey

I am waiting on the Lord. Who is stronger? I need to let God can be the true source of my strength. Only God can quieten my mind and lead me into His presence so HE can guide and direct my steps. When I rush ahead or lag behind I fall down or miss something important. Thank you Lord for helping me balance this call to solitude. That as I tend to swing from one extreme to another you will help me slow down and be exactly where you want me to be.

Today's Reflection: I ask you Lord to braid your strength into my life replacing my weaknesses. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a cord of three strands cannot be broken. For me this represents the truth and action of the Trinity in my life. I pray Lord God that less of me and more you would shine out in my life. That my life would never be about me but always about You. That my life as a wife and mother will glorify You. That my goals will only be Your goals. Braid Your will deep within my life so I may not miss it.