Day 20

It's been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. Can I go to Australia? Seriously - if I thought it would help I'd pack us all up and run away and start over.

The thing is I didn't have to deal with hospice, no one died, there was no funeral to plan, I didn't have a friend diagnosed with cancer or a wreck or anything major. It was just regular every day crappy day stuff.

I felt frustrated and annoyed. I want a break from this emotional upheaval. It's been a month of this stuff. It's been 34 days of one thing after another. ALRIGHT ALREADY.

So you can imagine what happened next right? I simply didn't deal well today. To be honest - I sucked today. It was definitely not my best day.

I didn't find joy in cuddling my precious daughter as she slept. I concentrated on the fact that she was cranky and wouldn't sleep without me and I had work and bible study to do and time with alone God to spend. (Yes I see the irony in that now). Nor did I find joy or thanksgiving or gratefulness in several other situations. I chose to dwell on the negative. The sad thing is I might not have seen God today or heard His voice, but He was here. I was the one who moved out of the shadow of His wings.

Late in the evening as I rocked Raina to sleep and talked to Salem before she went to sleep with dad, I realized how I so completely missed God today. I am glad I had a moment at the end of the night to love on my kids. Tomorrow I will choose to have a better day, regardless what comes my way.

Today's Reflection: Today I was definitely not my best. I wasn't a good mom or a good wife or even a good person. I was tired and let my annoyance and frustration show. I didn't yell or scream or throw things...but I am sure my countenance showed how I really felt. Forgive me Lord. This day did really suck. But if I had stayed with You where I needed to be - it would have been better.