Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Day 20

It's been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. Can I go to Australia? Seriously - if I thought it would help I'd pack us all up and run away and start over.

The thing is I didn't have to deal with hospice, no one died, there was no funeral to plan, I didn't have a friend diagnosed with cancer or a wreck or anything major. It was just regular every day crappy day stuff.

I felt frustrated and annoyed. I want a break from this emotional upheaval. It's been a month of this stuff. It's been 34 days of one thing after another. ALRIGHT ALREADY.

So you can imagine what happened next right? I simply didn't deal well today. To be honest - I sucked today. It was definitely not my best day.

I didn't find joy in cuddling my precious daughter as she slept. I concentrated on the fact that she was cranky and wouldn't sleep without me and I had work and bible study to do and time with alone God to spend. (Yes I see the irony in that now). Nor did I find joy or thanksgiving or gratefulness in several other situations. I chose to dwell on the negative. The sad thing is I might not have seen God today or heard His voice, but He was here. I was the one who moved out of the shadow of His wings.

Late in the evening as I rocked Raina to sleep and talked to Salem before she went to sleep with dad, I realized how I so completely missed God today. I am glad I had a moment at the end of the night to love on my kids. Tomorrow I will choose to have a better day, regardless what comes my way.

Today's Reflection: Today I was definitely not my best. I wasn't a good mom or a good wife or even a good person. I was tired and let my annoyance and frustration show. I didn't yell or scream or throw things...but I am sure my countenance showed how I really felt. Forgive me Lord. This day did really suck. But if I had stayed with You where I needed to be - it would have been better.

11 comments:

Veronica Lee October 20, 2009 at 8:59 PM  

Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.

Rana October 21, 2009 at 7:02 AM  

Leah,
I just had to check out your blog. This is wonderful. Your comment on my blog means even more now that I have read your post. It helps to know other moms are going through "regular" crazy days too. I look forward to reading the rest of your blog and I must say your daughter has a great name:)

Rana

Theta Mom October 21, 2009 at 10:07 AM  

Following you from MBC friends club! Please follow me at http://www.thetamom.com

Julia Stewart October 21, 2009 at 12:06 PM  

the best thing about a crappy day is that eventually it comes to an end!

Give yourself some slack chica... you are doing great!

Allison October 21, 2009 at 4:31 PM  

Leah - I'm just glad to know that you are still human like the rest of us. I was beginning to wonder. =)

Charlene October 21, 2009 at 7:11 PM  

We all have "those days." Just remember, it's never too late to start over. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

:-) Charlene (from MBC)
www.beamingbalance.com

Clueless_Mama October 21, 2009 at 7:15 PM  

I love your reflection. It is good to know when you had a bad day and say I will not have this tomorrow. I have had a few of those lately. I always feel bad when I know I wasn't at my best. I loved your post. Following from MBC. http://www.guessingalltheway.com

nicola@which name? October 21, 2009 at 8:34 PM  

hope tomorrow is better for you.
nicola
http://whichanme.blogspot.com

the undomesticated wife October 21, 2009 at 9:44 PM  

Those bad days can really dig into you, but then you can go to bed, talk with God and wake up new!

Leah October 21, 2009 at 9:45 PM  

Rana - thanks for visiting. I adore the name Raina for my girl. Do you pronounce it Raina as well? I am glad my post is meaningful. I told God that if I was going to go through all this there had better be a reason and to let me help others through it by sharing my struggles. If I can ever help just let me know.

Thank you for all the comments. They blessed my day and I will be checking out your blogs.

(Love You Julia and Allison).

Leah October 21, 2009 at 9:52 PM  

Amen Gari-Ann! A fresh new day. I think of you often! We need to talk soon or get together.

Leah's Other Blog

My "other" blog is more about day to day life with my husband and kids and rants and raves about a variety of subjects. Hope on over.

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