Days 3 , 4 & 5

OK there is so much more to this solitude thing than literal solitude. I find that now that I know what God is wanting me to do I am longing for it yet I am facing stumbling block after stumbling block. Not all bad - just stumbling blocks.

Saturday was literally so busy. Korie came to town Friday night with her boyfriend Kent. We had family pics Sat morning, lunch with grandparents, Salem's birthday party and then dinner. I had planned to come home and spend my time in prayer and with God while everyone went to sleep but I was called to CCU as my grandmother wasn't doing well.

In the CCU I prayed. I meditated. I cried. I prayed some more. And was completely distracted by the beeps and how freezing CCU was.

We came home at 1:30 am as we couldn't sleep in CCU.

Sunday morning we had to make hard decisions and were back at the hospital. Oh how I longed to sit and pray with my face on the floor. Yet we went and made the hard decision to put Nannie on hospice.

More sitting and praying and thinking...that's when I began to think I am going about this all wrong. I still need the literal solitude but life is so much more fluid than I make it. I tend to be so rigid. That rigidity obviously doesn't fit. How can I practice the solitude that I obviously feel so called to when I can't even sit still?

But is it more a state of mind and spirit or a combination of literal solitude and a state of mind and soul?

I don't know anything other than I long for more.