Thursday, October 29, 2009

Day 29

For years I believed God forgave me. Yet I didn't walk in that forgiveness. I didn't rest in it. I walked in shame and guilt, never feeling the full extent of Christ's sacrifice and the joy it should have filled inside me to the point of overflowing. I cheated God out of the glory of my redemption.

How arrogant. Who am I to say God can’t or won’t forgive me? Or to act as if I was unworthy? Jesus prayed that God would forgive those who killed Him (Luke 23:24). Even though I never purposely meant to be arrogant - it was arrogant of me to think that I didn't deserve Christ's sacrifice. He loved me completely in the midst of my sin. He died for me. He deserved my complete surrender. I should have been rejoicing rather than stagnating in shame.

The same can be said of people who are self-righteous. In new testament days these were the Pharisees and the Sadducees. They believed that God's grace and mercy was only for them as they were morally upright and followed the law. I see this at work in many Christians today. And really, it's just as arrogant to believe that you deserve redemption and God's favor more than someone else based on what you've done and what you're doing now. Either way, whether we struggle with with a specific sin or indulge in our own self righteousness, both are wrong and we need to come to God with a repentant heart.

Once you start examining your own life and repentance for anything enters, your spirit starts to become more intune with God and you realize how many other areas you need to work on. Another area that I am working on is unforgiveness. I tend to harbor these feelings down deep inside towards people. I work hard at forgiving, but I've been forgiving in my own strength. And even when I thought I had forgiven them, I picked the offense back up and walked forward in unforgiveness.

To be honest, I don't see the people I am referring to the way Christ sees them. This is hard for me to admit because I normally I love well. I over love if anything at all, which definitely isn't God's will either. Regardless, I don't tend to concentrate on weakness and flawed personality traits. I don't pick and choose who I love. I try my hardest to love even the unlovable. But occasionally I struggle. It's a quiet inner struggle but it's very destructive and it needs to be delivered from my life. I will probably never go to them and explain myself. Really, it's not even about them at all. It's about my own insecurities and why I won't let things go and why I develop walls to keep these people out rather than healthy boundaries. I can have firm boundaries and not sin. But walls separate me from God. They need to come down.

Today's Reflection: Father I repent before you. Please forgive my arrogance and my pride. Please forgive the unforgiveness in my heart. I want to step outside of these walls completely. I cannot do it in my own strength. Foolishly I have tried. I know that you can deliver this from my heart. Help me see people through Your eyes and walk in forgiveness. I choose this day to repent and forgive. (Matthew 5:7, Matthew 5:23-24, Matthew 18:21-22, Mark 11:25, Luke 6:27-29, 36-37).

2 comments:

joeypouch November 7, 2009 at 1:29 PM  

I just want to share how much i am enjoying your blog. it is beautiful, raw and speaks truth to my heart.

Leah November 8, 2009 at 9:38 PM  

Thank you....

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